I feel like absolute crap today, so I thought I'd write and see if I can get it out so I can move past it and start being more productive.
To begin with, the cats are no longer angry at me for the move. Instead, they've decided to take an opposite route and be extremely friendly...at 3:57 AM. So it does not help that my sleep has been interrupted and inconsistent. As we all know, I become quite cranky when I have not had my beauty rest. To add to this, the beauty rest really has not been beautiful, as my skin looks sallow and dry...is it stress or lack of sleep? I am never sure.
I am feeling so overwhelmed right now. A word of advice: Never move on your own, in the middle of July in Mississippi, while working a full time job and taking a summer course with lots of reading and group projects. Last night I returned home at 8:30 PM (after leaving at 6:50 AM) and all I wanted to do was fall into bed. But of course I needed to feed myself, and in order to manage that I had to find ingredients and tools in the boxes. So I haven't been eating healthily, I haven't been sleeping well, and my mind is filled with the thousands and thousands of things that I need to do, in addition to the constant thoughts of beyond, of the future, of wonderment.
I just ordered my GRE prep book. I have exactly a month before I take that test. There's no way I'll be ready...and I can't afford to retake it. Before the test, I need to complete my class, along with my final; finish moving; clean an apartment; prepare for a fundraiser retreat; go to Orlando; and go to Houston. Then we get back from Houston and BOOM GRE the next weekend. Interesting planning on my part.
Add to all this that both B and I are feeling stress about this ambigous 'future' thing, and how it's all going to come together. Three years after I graduated college and I'm really not all that close to realizing what it is I'd like from my life. Ultimate goal: sitting in a beach house writing. But c'mon, whose ultimate goal isn't that? I feel as though I keep getting closer to a resolution only to question whether it's what I want. And he's spent a summer in a place that he's really enjoyed, and made some great friends, so coming back to Starkville and school I know is going to be tough on him.
It all adds up to the fact that these next few weeks will be ones of patience. Patience, that trait that I have the least of. Don't even try and argue with me. Family, you know the only time I'm patient is at Christmas when we have to wait for others to open their gifts, and that's just because I know I'd get a stern lecture if I tried to open the presents before my time. When I want something, I want it at that moment, and it's very hard for me to realize that in life there are processes and timelines, and that not everyone operates on my schedule.
All these major stresses, and what's irritating me the most? My iTunes. It's on shuffle, and it keeps playing songs in three-artist blocks. For instance, it went Better than Ezra, Moneen, Jimmy Eat World, then back to BTE, then Moneen. So I moved the song manually and it did the same thing. If I can't even be patient with my technology, is there hope for me?
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
"Chocolate" by Snow Patrol. Don't be impressed. I googled the quote and found it out.
(I left the last comment on the wrong day.)
Oh, honey... you sound tired and hormonal. It sounds like you need chocolate. Go find some kind of free trade organic chocolate and eat it! B needs to understand that there are times when nothing, nothing, nothing satisfies like a good piece of chocolate. I'll the words to a song that comes to mind on my blog just for you.
It's four days after your crappy day...how are you doing now?
Sounds like, if at all possible, you should cut something out of your tremendously booked out schedule. You sound like me, who thought she could be Super Woman, only to find out she did things more effectively if there were less things to do.
Be kind to yourself, life is sweeter when you don't take the whole world on your shoulders to solve.
Look at what you absolutely do not have to keep a commitment to and streamline your schedule a little so that you can breathe easier.
Your other aunt sounds so much more mature that I.
Well...I thought we knew THAT already!
Whaa..?
well, except when julie sticks things up her nose.
Post a Comment