Yesterday was by far the most beautiful day I've seen in New Orleans. The weather is finally down to the high fifties at night, and around 77 during the day. I drove from my new house (I was checking on the paint progress, aloe and periwinkle, very nice) to my soon-to-be-old house while the sun was setting, and the sky in front of me gradually turned a shade that most closely resembles raspberry sherbet. Gorgeous.
All travelers, somewhere along the way, find it necessary to check their course, to see how they are doing. We wait until we are sick, or shocked into stillness, before we do the commonplace thing of getting our bearings. And yet, we wonder why we are depressed, why we are unhappy, why we lose our friends, why we are ill-tempered. This condition we pass on to our children, our husbands, our wives, our associates, our friends. Cultivate the mood to linger. ... Who knows? God may whisper to you in the quietness what [God] has been trying to say to you, oh, for so long a time.
- Howard Thurman
This quote seems to fit my life recently. Since my moving I've been sick more times than I can count. I can't figure out if that's what's messing me up emotionally or if the emotions are manifest in the physical sickness. But what I never do is give myself enough time to recover. I refuse to stay down, to stay rested, and so I keep a fragile immune system and as a result it takes a beating.
That's the literal sense of forgetting to linger...but as I've mentioned on these pages before, I have issues with silence, with quietness. Sometimes I feel that I'm afraid to hear what God might be saying if I just took a moment to shut up for a second. In fact, I think I'm afraid to see what humans might fill that silence with, as well.
But yesterday, when I saw that sunset, I felt stilled. I think stilled is one of the synonyms for awed, and awe has its roots in being in wonder at the divine (new career choice, linguist?). For a few moments, I felt as though I had no need to worry, that everything would continue to fall into place. I didn't feel cranky or grumpy or snarky or any of the other lovely personality traits I've been exhibiting for the past few months.
So maybe I need to stop telling and start listening.
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Now playing: Roger Clyne & The Peacemakers - I Don't Need Another Thrill
via FoxyTunes
5 comments:
beautiful post friend!
i'm sorry i missed the most beautiful day in new orleans. can you see about getting at least another one of those when i get back. also, where did you get that howard thurman quote? i have one of his books and it is great.
=)
I have been impressed by your blogs. Your use of quotes to inhance your personal thoughts are great!
Thanks to both of you!
One of my favorite verses in the book of Psalm is from Psalm 37. Verse 7 says,"Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when men succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes." I think that I actually start to breathe slower after I read that verse. I have an "Oh yeah" moment.
I also have a hard time slowing down to linger and listen. A beautiful sky usually catches my attention--thank God for those, it's like that's his outreach to me. I was sick a lot this year, 2007, and didn't give myself time to recover. After all that I ended up being overwhelmed by anxiety. Since the panic attacks I have really slowed down my life. Well, I'm not working. I feel like this break down can be a blessing for me because it's an opportunity to evaluate my life and make some life changes. I don't think I would have slowed down without being forced too.
But it's still hard to stop and listen. It's hard to be alone so much.
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