Like lipstick traces on pillowcases
Some things in life are unforgettable
Like love, loss, lies and us
Some things in life are undeniable
...Adelaide, Anberlin
So I've been avoiding the blog a bit. I haven't had the words, and I'm not sure I have them yet, but they are part of a story that has been told so many times already...
Once again, B and I seem to be on the out-side of our romantic relationship. Every other time that this has happened, we have not been strong enough to see through a break. We are each other's best friend, and we have grown together and want many of the same things for our future. But at this point, it feels that we are more often hurting each other than uplifting each other. We have yet to decide what our relationship might look like. We know that we don't want to slam the door on the possibility of ever trying romance again, but we also know that we want to place our friendship and our individual needs first.
For the first time in the history of these breaks, I don't feel upset, or scared, or nervous about the future. For once I'm able to let it go and know that the future is not in my hands. I know that we will both be healthier if we just step back and not work so damn hard on this.
Speaking of healthy, Mom arrives tomorrow night! She's going to be here for four days to help make sure we get my health back on track. I'm so tired of being tired, of worrying about what is off in my body. Tomorrow morning is yet another doctor's appointment and at this point I just want to know something.
I do have to say this, for those of you who read my blog from far away: while I may not have my genetic family here, in the past year I've come to find a family, a community, a group that makes me grin and brings tears to my eyes with how wonderful they are. They've given me ears, brought me meds, are accompanying me to the doctor, let me sleep on their couches, make me breakfast while I study, and given me reason to leave the house when I just want to stay inside with the covers wrapped around me. Although tonight, after a biostats exam given by Satan's messenger, a night tucked in bed sounds quite alright by me.
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I have so not been reading people's blogs on a regular basis these past few months. I'm sorry that you have been dealing with crap. I am grateful that you have found a home to call your own. One day I hope to visit, and get the grand tour. If I could I would give you a great big hug and tell you that everything will be okay. Uncle Jeff would greet you with a "Hello, Beautiful" because he believes it. The kiddos would run to "Cousin Kirsten" and greet you with big hugs too. Then Em would want you to immediately take her to that Beignet Cafe and J would say, "Food? I'm in!"
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