You're the Only Thing That I Love, Scares Me More Each Day

Sitting on my porch with my cup of coffee this morning, I watched a hummingbird hovering over a cone-shaped, magenta flower. And I sat and I thought about something that I've discussed with a few people over the past couple months.

I sat and I thought about love. I thought about how, when it all comes down to it, it's much harder to be in love with a city than it is with an individual. Our nation is one of transience. It is a place where people move for jobs, or for family, or simply for a change of place. And so to fall in love with a city, to have a desire to put down roots, that's intensely scary.

Especially in this city. This is a place that often focuses more on its past than its future. It is not a place that is thriving, where people go to make a name for themselves. It is not at the forefront of agricultural development or community food planning.

There is also the issue of falling in love with a place before falling in love with a person. For awhile, I thought B got it--but he didn't, doesn't, get this place in the way that I do. He didn't want to know everything he could about its streets, its history, its lore. He didn't read Gambit--not even the food issues. There's such a distinction between not caring about the place, not understanding the place, tolerating the place, and diving in and letting this place swarm all over your skin.

I wonder if I could even fall in love anymore with someone that doesn't understand what it means to drown in this city. I do know that I fear falling for someone and that person not wanting to be here, here in New Orleans where nearly every inch feels like home. It was a decision that was staring me in the face for awhile...and one that actually caused tension in my old relationship. I didn't want to leave. So it's a genuine concern.

And that's what I mean when I say it's harder to love a city than a person. She's captured me, and I'm afraid that she won't let me go.

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Now playing: Mae - Sic Semper Tyrannis