I'm tryin' to find you something better inside me

So August has come and gone and we're nearly halfway through September.

August. I waited for it. I wanted for it. I counted down the days as July inched its way onward. And then August broke me apart. In many ways. I was broken by a loss of hope and by a loss in my confidence to believe in my intuition. The hopeless romantic in me had to face reality, and that reality hurt. But more than that, August broke me by shattering my simple thoughts about home. Since moving to New Orleans, I've felt at home. Yet returning to Seattle...I don't know. I can't explain it well. There is something about Seattle/the eastside that is rooted in me. My sense of place is defined by that area, so much more even than in Oregon. Seattle is home. The grey, drizzly days. The smell of the trees. The mindset of people. The sight of the lake when I come down from the hills. I still love New Orleans. But if I'm honest with myself, I've felt like a visitor here, a sociologist observing but not quite living within the culture. It's time to go back to my world.

And so September came and my world flipped. It's a new month, a new perspective. I've had plenty of time to contemplate, and I'm understanding more and more what I want. I want to supplement my MPH with training in public policy. I want a job at a nonprofit with a health focus, and more specifically with a global development focus. Ultimately I'd like to be a policy and/or research analyst at The Gates Foundation. I want to get back to a place that feels like home, that is closer to family, where I can feel healthy.

I'll carry a piece of New Orleans with me, probably forever. But home is calling.