Love in the Time Of Anberlin

Some things in life are unforgettable

I haven't been keeping up with this blog recently. The busy-ness of having an office job combined with tutoring, editing, and baseball has taken a bit of a toll. But here I am, sitting in front of a chapter on the IPE of food, and I can't concentrate. My mind keeps drifting, and it keeps returning to a heavy subject: the nature of love.

If this isn't love, this is the closest I've ever been

I've always felt that love is love, and when you love one person you should have no feelings for someone else. But is that really possible? If someone breaks into our heart, breaks it apart and wedges their way inside, does it always get stitched back together again?

I don't care now where we live; it's not where, or what, or who we were with

As I get older, I find it harder to keep naive illusions of love. When I first fell in love four years ago, I thought it had the power to conquer anything. Distance. Culture. Beliefs. The past. You fall in love, you stay in love, and you get through everything.

Give me time to prove
Prove I want the rest of yours
Call this a prelude to a lifetime of you

Falling in love now, I realize that's really what it is--a process. You fall and you keep falling, learning about the other person, figuring out their flaws and faults and marveling over the connectedness. Love isn't about drama and roller coasters. It is intense and building and strong. That's what I know right now.

And my world still turns when you're not around

It's the in-between, the second love, that's where I get stuck. It's a love that defies logic, that shouldn't exist, that hovers unrequited. I can't see its beginning and it had no heart-felt reason to end. This is the love that forced me to face up to my romantic notions, to acknowledge that my life is not a song lyric and I won't be rescued by a dashing man on a white horse. Sometimes love has to end before it really gets its chance to begin.

Steal a kiss yet and call us friends
Distance is the thief in which you conspire

But the problem is that I haven't been able to completely close that tear in my heart. There's still a weak spot. I'm still vulnerable. And I have this fear that I can't be good enough, can't be giving a good enough love, if I didn't give him my entire heart.

Could've been more but at least you're still my day late friend