Focus

As someone with a passionate interest in food, I get asked quite a bit what I think of the book/movie Julie and Julia. Leaving my personal feelings about Julie Powell aside (she's already been thoroughly trashed by many writers) I can see how the concept can be quite appealing: Find a project, a goal, completely unrelated to your daily life, and throw your heart and your fingers into it. Then you don't have to focus on your unsatisfying job or the cracks in your relationship.
I was thinking about this as I walked home on Monday. I breathed in the scent of Puget Sound and thought, home. And then I thought, and I'm ready to go again. Others get a seven-year itch. Me, I get a 1.5 year itch, and then I'm set to take off again. New places, new faces, new smells.
But I'm not going anywhere. At least, not for six more months. So what to do when the January doldrums hit? Should I, too, pick a cookbook and attempt to create each recipe? The thing is, I'm just not feeling it. I've tried so hard with this blog, trying to give it a direction, a shape, and it doesn't seem to want to work. I'm either too earnest or not earnest enough. I'm hyper-concerned about offending people at times, and other times it seems I intentionally offend. Through it all, I feel my voice is stifled, because I am trying so hard to find a balance--when in fact I can't even say succinctly what that balance might be.
So maybe it's time to let go for awhile. While I'll still use this place to throw up a great recipe or convey some random thoughts to far away family and friends, it's never going to be the place I wanted it to be. And that's ok. A few people have found some excellent tips and ideas. That's what I wanted. And maybe if I don't concentrate so intensely on it, more of those easy recipes will come.
But for now, I have another dream, another goal, another love...and I want to see if I can make that one work.
Cross fingers.