Wherever You May Go, No Matter Where You Are, I Never Will Be Far Away

It's Father's Day.
It's Father's Day and I haven't picked up the phone and I haven't sent my card and I haven't even found the gift that I want to send. It won't be enough. It could never be enough.

My dad is the one who is always there, always ready to take on the world to make it better for me. He is the reason I will never have to go to therapy and say things like "My dad just wasn't there for me," or "My dad never had enough time for me," or "My dad wanted a son and couldn't relate to a daughter."

No. My dad was able to take everything that is good about the XX chromosome and show me how to relate to it, adapt to it, appreciate it. He coached my soccer teams and my t-ball teams. He'd make me recite baseball lineups and quiz me on the nine ways a batter can get himself out (please, please Dad, don't ask right now). We traveled to spring training and we made yearly trips to whichever baseball stadium was closest at the time.

But through all the sports bonding, my dad never made me feel as though I wasn't enough, or that something was missing. I think sometimes he wanted me to keep on with things--softball, youth ministry--because he was afraid if I stopped, we would have less to talk about. That was never the case. My dad makes an effort to learn about everything that affects me or that I'm passionate about. He understands the stupidity of the human race and appreciates irony more than anyone else I know. He is the one I turn to when I need a different perspective or I need to rant.

So on this day that's devoted to all things fathers, while I am over 2000 miles from mine, I want to say thanks. Thanks for letting me make mistakes. Thanks for trying to fix the ones of others. Thanks for insisting I love baseball. Thanks for being my youth ministry role model. Thanks for making sure I know what a good man looks like. Thanks for instilling my desire to fight for justice. Thanks for always listening.

And thanks for never being selfish enough to tell me to come back to Oregon. I miss you every day, dad. If you told me to come back, I probably would. You are the true meaning behind loving someone enough to set them free. You know what I need to do in this world, and you let me do it, even when I fall and fall over again. You could swoop in and pick me up, but instead you are just there to listen to my heartbreaks and frustrations.

That is why nothing I do or say on this day could ever be enough. I'm getting where I want to be. I'm finding my passion and my purpose. I think living out my ministry is the best expression of all that my father gave me.

I love you, Dad!

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