A Constallation of Frustration Driving Hard

I am experiencing extreme frustration right now, for a few reasons. I figure it's best to write here rather than to continue to take it out on people that are simply trying to help.

First, I'm extremely frustrated with my co-op work right now. I jumped right into the New Orleans Food Cooperative work, without really considering what it might mean. I figured, food policy, ok, this was a chance to be involved with something local, sustainable, and with a positive impact on the local economy. I still believe this--but I don't believe that planning a cooperative makes for the best use of my talents. I've been trying and trying to help prepare a grant submission, but keep experiencing roadblocks in the form of people not understanding that this is what I do on a daily basis.

Second, I'm frustrated with my job in general. It's not what I wanted, not what I ever wanted, and at this point I'm sticking with it for the money--something I promised myself I would never do. I hate that I spend a significant amount of time waiting around for someone to give me work. It's not that I don't take opportunities to create work myself--it's that there's no work for me to create. I am purely reactive, and it makes me crazy.

Third, I'm frustrated with my education. I know that everyone thinks that I did such a wonderful job making this all come together...but that doesn't mean that it's what was best for me. I fell in love, and so I chose this city. I sought out Tulane because their School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine does have a great reputation. But their Food and Nutrition track is not fantastic, and the switch to Environmental Health wasn't the best choice, either. In short, I'm here because I made my plans fit to Tulane, rather than seeking out the best fit for me.

This is all coming to a head because, more and more, I'm realizing that it is likely I won't be content until I have at least a masters--and more probably a PhD. For years I've known that what I want to do is research. I love the reading, love the analyzing, love making the pieces fit and then communicating those ideas to the rest of the world. I'm sure that it's likely that I can get to this place by staying right where I am, finishing my MPH and continuing on to a PhD. But I'd always wonder where I could have been had I given myself the chance. Can I convince someone to pay me to study? I don't know...but I think I'm going to try to find out.

Whew. Just writing it down has lowered my frustration. I know that I've a lot of difficult work ahead, both in sorting out my thoughts and in execution. I'd like to stay involved with the co-op for as long as this amazing city is my home, but even more so I'd like to do as much as I can with the farmer's market. I have to take a long hard look at my education--I don't even know how to go about finding the programs I might want. I've started, but I don't know how to proceed. I also need to finish my biostats class (ugggggggggggggh) and sign up for two more classes. I might as well get as many for free as possible.

Have I mentioned recently how ready I am for vacation? As much as people might not believe it, being bedridden for over a week does not constitute vacation. I haven't had a day off that was not sickness related since Mardi Gras (and actually...that day was a little sickness related, too). I'm ready for a week of being away. I'm ready for the stress relief of family and of old friends and of water and...I'll stop there.

----------------
Now playing: Snow Patrol - Hands Open
via FoxyTunes

I Promise You You'll Never Be Lonely

IRLANDIA! Yes, there is something ironic about going to Ireland and coming back wanting to speak in Spanish, but then again it seemed that both Nicaragua and Guatemala were topics mentioned over and over so I guess I was just confused...plus, when I drink, the Spanish just flows. That's a warning to everyone--this post contains a lot about drinking. Turns out they drink in Ireland. Who would've thought?

So I arrived at Dublin International around 6:30 am, the second passenger to be picked up that morning. Turned out we'd be back at the airport four times that day. The hotel shuttle driver quit because we frightened him so much. Anyway, after a brief nap, we fetched up G and then headed out to Dublin on the bus. First stop, food. Second stop, Guinness...turns out that K1 and Richard are meant for each other (thank goodness) as evidenced by this photo taken in Temple Bar. Apparently Temple Bar is an area of Dublin, but we were at Temple Bar in Temple Bar. Enough history. So back to the hotel, where five of us shared a two person room, and K1 gave us sleeping pills. The next day Richard (who hadn't taken any) let us know just how hilarious we'd been while drifting off to sleep.

The next day was very important--heading out to the Guinness...well, it's not the brewery anymore, but it used to be. Sorry I'm such a bad tour guide. It was actually really interesting, learning about the process (they keep their special yeast locked inside a safe) and finally getting an answer to my question--do the Guinness people have anything to do with the Book of World Records? Yes, in fact. The Guinness man introduced it as a way of helping bartenders have a book behind the counter to settle disputes about "largest," "fastest," "longest," and so on. And now you know. The ads were great, but the bar at the top was the best. The views were amazing. After that, we headed back to Temple Bar and then an evening in the "Family Suite," which involved burnt popcorn and a viewing of Music and Lyrics. See, you think we're a bunch of crazy drinkers, but really, we're just boring.

Ah, Saturday...the day of anxiety. K1 pulled out of the parking lot only to lose her mom and her mom's boyfriend immediately. Apparently they decided they needed to say goodbye to the airport one last time (we'd grown so close). So they had to find Ballygally, the village in Northern Ireland where we were headed, all by themselves...while our car (or more accurately, K1) stressed about how lost they were. Saturday evening included a dinner with lots of Richard's family and me being hit in the face with torn coasters. Note to parents: taking 16-year-olds on trips without anyone their age around makes for dangerous outings. Be warned.

Sunday--tourist day. Oh, it's tough moving 18 people around in a group. Patience was thin by the end of the day, but it was really nice to tour Northern Ireland. We visited some ruins (no, no idea what the castle was called, again, not such a good tour guide) and that's the photo at the top of this post. Then we went to Bushmills distillery, where we learned that Bushmills, since 1608, has been producing the best whiskey in the world and you might as well spit in anything else rather than drink it. Next came the Giant's Causeway; I'm still not quite sure why it was called that, but it was extremely cool. No, I don't know the people in that first photo, but I really like the photo of Gretch and Richard contemplating life atop the rocks. In fact, they're shamelessly mocking people, but it sounds better the other way. After the causeway, we headed over to the rope bridge, where most people promptly decided that 3 pounds was too much to pay for a walk across the bridge. Well, I'd been looking forward to the bridge since I saw a photo of it and it was what I really wanted to do, so I was relieved when a few of us hiked out. It was worth it--isn't that a gorgeous view? The night ended with everyone diverting to separate eating establishments, all cars missing the correct motorway, and a discussion on tastebuds and the way that buoys are lit. Please, can someone answer that question?

Where are we...Monday. Monday was devoted to being good bridesmaids and helping K1 do her errands. Then we nixed the plan of going to Belfast to have the bachelorette party, and decided to do manicures and pedicures while watching Sex and the City. I'm still not sure what happened to this plan. I remember card games and Wimbledon, then everyone deciding to go down to the Halfway House for dinner. Rather than get into the ruckus over who was sitting in which cars, I walked...and somehow lost the bride and other bridesmaid. I missed the memo on takeout Chinese, apparently. Having not been enlightened, I ended up being drafted into the position of Best Man, since the best man was decidedly MIA. And I hate to break it to y'all, but those Guinness were not both mine. However, things did get a little crazy when the bachelorette party arrived. Turns out it's a bit tough to do a pub crawl when you have to drive two villages over to GET to a pub, so all 18 members of our party invaded one pub. It's ok though...we're fairly sure that they paid for a two-week vacation to the Costa del Sol for themselves and twelve of their closest relatives with the money we spent that night.

Tuesday. Or Tchewsday as they say it in Ireland. This was my day of personal torment, with nothing to do but attempt to break into an iPod and watch Wimbledon (reruns, mind you, as they were in a rain delay). We headed out to the rehearsal about five, where we proceeded to practice walking UP the aisle about eight times, but never went over the DOWN the aisle part--slightly trickier, as it involved the linking of arms and the choice of an aisle. After that was the rehearsal dinner (but of course) at the golf club, which had a spectacular view. That night we got kicked out of the other house (Gretch, K1 and I stayed at Richard's house, which was just down the road from the house that K1's dad was renting that we all invaded for purposes of seeing how many Guinness cans could fit on the counter) so that K1 could rest up for her wedding...

Which was Wednesday, July 4th. No fireworks for us. Instead a wakeup at 8am...this was the last time I would sleep until what was 2 am CDT, making it 48 hours without sleep. The ceremony was at 2:30, but there was plenty to do before then, including discovering that there was no way for us to straighten our hair. But eventually we made it out of the house. Ireland has some weird customs, which include the bridesmaids going to the church ahead of the bride, the bride walking down the aisle first, and a bunch of people standing around outside the church for no good reason. Hangers-on, like at a celebrity wedding. But the bride made it down the aisle, I didn't trip going off into the room for the secret mission, and they didn't take us out to the castle in the middle of nowhere to kill us all. So in the end, everything turned out splendidly. The evening included many toasts, including one frantically written by the bridesmaids at the last moment, a spot of Irish dancing, a visit to the sheep, some frisbee and badminton in the manor house courtyard, and one last guinness for many of us. Around 1am, the Americans piled on a mini bus to be safely returned to our homes...and for me, a return to real life, since our ride arrived in the driveway promptly at 5am the next morning to see us to Belfast.

Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true

Wow, my auntie does like to keep me in line!

Ok, last month you had a good day, but what about this month?

Well, auntie and other five devoted readers, I haven't posted yet because I'm still not sure quite what I'm feeling. My emotions are on a bit of a roller-coaster and everything just seems to build and build.

There are things that take a toll on feelings, thoughts, life in general, and I'd say that both weddings and travel are high up on the list. Add to that a lack of sleep, a not-so-swell housing situation, and turmoil over friendships and it's no wonder I can't find the words to express myself.

Ireland was wonderful, but difficult. It involved a lot of tears and, luckily, quite a bit of laughter. It was great to see my friends again, but I fear that I may have damaged a friendship and it may not return. I may have damaged two, in fact, or at least irreversibly altered one. It's as though I can't just be content. Apparently every time I see G & K1 I have to do something that causes drama and hurt feelings.

But the happy news is that K1 is married, Mrs Benites now as we like to joke, and she's married to someone who we love and think is fantastic. So even with all the stress and the questioning and the desire to throw Americans off a cliff, we accomplished our task, we got her down the aisle and they're off on a beach in Croatia. Lucky lucky them.

In the next few days I'll try to post a breakdown of what I did and put up some photos. Unfortunately most of mine are blurry, so you may have to put up with blurry now and nice and sharp later after I talk others out of their shots.

Sleeping Through All Our Memories

So I'm back from New Jersey and I survived, albeit barely. I will post photos and stories later...

I'm absolutely exhausted today. The alarm went off at 4:01 EST, otherwise known as 3:01 CST and 1:01 for you west coasters, some of whom were probably going to bed as I was struggling to open my eyes. I chose not to get coffee before my flight, and for once this was a positive decision as the flight was nearly empty and I was able to lay across three seats and sleep for a couple hours, although of course it was the wake up when your knee hits the tray table that you set down so that you might receive breakfast sort of sleep.

By the way, can I just recommend Continental Airlines for your next trip? They have plenty of blankets to go around and they actually give you food, as well as multiple beverage services! Nope, they're not paying me, but if the airline would like to give me additional OnePass miles I'd be glad to accept!

Anyway...I'll give some actual updates on NJ tomorrow as well as (hopefully) a couple photos, but today I'll just say, if you go, take very good maps and emergency rations, and be prepared to hike across highways in case you can't maneuver your car through the maze of highways.

We Could Run Away

Slight change of plans...B's not coming to Starkville this week. Instead he and his mom are going on a cruise to Mexico! I know...lucky them. I love the Caribbean Coast of Mexico. Anyway, that means a delay on getting the photos, but I suppose we can move on and I'll just post some pictures later.

ANYway. We left off in Granada. The first afternoon, we wandered around, seeing if it was possible to walk to the waterfront (it's not really) and stumbled upon an eco-adventures tour company. There, we declined an offer to go climb Volcan Mombochu at night and see the bats (not worth $25, thanks) and instead applied our monies to a kayaking trip the next day. It was $35 for four hours, and the person selling us on the idea warned that maybe I'd be better doing a two hour trip. But he also said we were likely to be the only ones, so it wouldn't matter if we went slow.

Boy, was he wrong.
There were at least six others with us, as well as two guides. I got in the water and immediately fell behind. I don't know what it is, but I cannot for the life of me make a kayak go in a straight line. It kept desiring to go to the right. Even when there were rocks there. I sailed into reedy patches and did battle with shallow waters. Birds flew about in panic. My egg sandwich grew soggy. I was pitied by our guide.

But we finally made it to our resting point...a bar/restaurant on one of the 365 islands of Nicaragua. I walked about ten feet and found that I was better suited to hammocks then kayaks.
Overall though I am so glad we went kayaking. The islands are beautiful, and many wealthy Nicas have homes out there. And one American who chose to decorate with inflatable snowglobes, santas and an American flag. We felt that he didn't really need the flag to convey his nationality!

The next day was New Year's Eve, and although many backpackers seemed to want to stay and party in Granada for the holiday, we thought that we might get stuck there if buses didn't run on El Dia Primer (and they dont). So we decided to push on to Isla de Ometepe. Ometepe means "Between two hills," in Nahuatl, which is the indigenous language of Nicaragua. An apt name, considering the island consists of two volcanos and the flat space between them. Here's a model:

Ometepe is the largest inland island in the world, at 31km long, 5km at its narrowest point and 10km at the widest. More than that, though, it is beautiful, relaxing and friendly, and since I'm probably losing your attention already with the long post, I'll wait and post Ometepe adventures in a different blog.
Hasta luego!

The Postcard's Gonna Read

GOOD NEWS!

B recovered the photos. He put so much time and energy into it, asking people on line and reading about software and all kinds of things. Today he drove to Huntsville and spent an hour and a half with a Best Buy guy recovering the photos. And now we have them...well, I don't have them all, but I have a few, and will have them all when he returns to Starkville at the end of the week.

Therefore, I would like to begin to present the tale of
B&K's Adventures in Nica!


On Wednesday, December 27th, my traveling started with a flight at midnight to Houston and a dose of Benadryl. B came in from New Orleans and we killed 6 hours in the IAH airport. Then we flew to Belize, El Salvador, and finally Managua. 24 hours, two states, four different countries. Impressive.

So we arrived in Managua at 8.30PM and did not get mugged or cheated by the taxi driver, although we did end up in the hostel next door to the one we originally planned on. This was not a gentle breaking in to Nicaragua. Instead, we stayed in a crappy little room on a deserted street, and ate at an Irish Pub (yes, really). Then in the morning we hiked it to a mall through the sludge and trash that is Managua in order to get currency. It was about 90 degrees by ten am. We left Managua around noon and vowed not to go back except to change buses--a promise we kept.

So instead we headed to Granada, a colonial outpost for the Spanish and probably the most touristed spot in Nicaragua. Except for the brighter colors and Spanish language, a lot of it reminded us of New Orleans. When I have more photos, I'll post them--we took quite a few of Granada. In fact, the hammock photo is from the hostel there, called Hotel Oasis. We shared a room with two other Americans (random; we didn't know them but she wanted to know if we were willing to share for a few dollars more and the prospect of sharing a bathroom with only three others rather than ten, so we jumped in). The hotel was pretty nice, with hammocks arranged around a courtyard and free coffee all day long--brewed coffee, not instant. But this was the only place where we went "gringo." The place clearly catered to backpackers and although it was nice to hear some opinions on where to go and what to do, by the end of a couple nights we were tired of being kept up at night by persons who seemed to be on a tour of Central America only to meet others doing the same--not to actually meet people who lived in the country. The rest of our trip, we stayed in hostels run by Nicaraguans, usually by those living right in the hostel.

So that's a brief summation of what we DIDN'T do for much of our trip. Tomorrow I'll start going into detail about how we spent our days and nights...and then perhaps at the end I'll do a photo blog.

Home...Is this a quiet place where you should be alone?

So...
I thought about posting about Nicaragua, but I really want to wait until I can do a photo entry.

I'm going to Alabama this weekend and hopefully we'll be able to get the pictures off the digital card (once again, Kirsten broke a camera. Count: 4 digitals broken, one SLR stolen).

Once I have those photos I'm going to do a recap.

But I am back and safe and not sick (as far as I know) and I loved it. We had a fabulous time and can't wait to share it with a devoted audience.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Mark your calendars, everyone...Kirsten is coming home!

I arrive in Portland on Thursday, December 21st (hey, isn't that the first day of winter?) and I believe I will be home until the following Wednesday, when I need to catch a flight to Nicaragua. That, in a way, is going home for me too...but I digress.

I'll be home for Christmas, and not only in my dreams. So remember to set a place for me at the table! I hope that no one is planning some sort of weird family Christmas this year. B's family is having Christmas at the beach and while I think that it would be kind of cool, I'm just not sure I'm ready for that sort of change yet. As much as I joke about our family christmases, I love our distinct traditions and am looking forward to coming home to them.

I'd like to ask a favor though, to anyone who knows all my friends and connections in Oregon...please don't shout at the top of your lungs that I'm coming home. To me, Christmas is a time for family and I'd like to keep it that way (FYI, I do include Ramona and the Lewises as my family). Last time I felt that I shortchanged both my family and friends by making promises I couldn't keep, and so this time I'd like to keep it more of a relaxed family affair, and hopefully coordinate things so that they are better planned.

So there's the dates, I'll be available the 22-27th, I can't wait to see y'all (don't worry, I don't have an accent yet!)