A Constallation of Frustration Driving Hard

I am experiencing extreme frustration right now, for a few reasons. I figure it's best to write here rather than to continue to take it out on people that are simply trying to help.

First, I'm extremely frustrated with my co-op work right now. I jumped right into the New Orleans Food Cooperative work, without really considering what it might mean. I figured, food policy, ok, this was a chance to be involved with something local, sustainable, and with a positive impact on the local economy. I still believe this--but I don't believe that planning a cooperative makes for the best use of my talents. I've been trying and trying to help prepare a grant submission, but keep experiencing roadblocks in the form of people not understanding that this is what I do on a daily basis.

Second, I'm frustrated with my job in general. It's not what I wanted, not what I ever wanted, and at this point I'm sticking with it for the money--something I promised myself I would never do. I hate that I spend a significant amount of time waiting around for someone to give me work. It's not that I don't take opportunities to create work myself--it's that there's no work for me to create. I am purely reactive, and it makes me crazy.

Third, I'm frustrated with my education. I know that everyone thinks that I did such a wonderful job making this all come together...but that doesn't mean that it's what was best for me. I fell in love, and so I chose this city. I sought out Tulane because their School of Public Health and Tropical Medicine does have a great reputation. But their Food and Nutrition track is not fantastic, and the switch to Environmental Health wasn't the best choice, either. In short, I'm here because I made my plans fit to Tulane, rather than seeking out the best fit for me.

This is all coming to a head because, more and more, I'm realizing that it is likely I won't be content until I have at least a masters--and more probably a PhD. For years I've known that what I want to do is research. I love the reading, love the analyzing, love making the pieces fit and then communicating those ideas to the rest of the world. I'm sure that it's likely that I can get to this place by staying right where I am, finishing my MPH and continuing on to a PhD. But I'd always wonder where I could have been had I given myself the chance. Can I convince someone to pay me to study? I don't know...but I think I'm going to try to find out.

Whew. Just writing it down has lowered my frustration. I know that I've a lot of difficult work ahead, both in sorting out my thoughts and in execution. I'd like to stay involved with the co-op for as long as this amazing city is my home, but even more so I'd like to do as much as I can with the farmer's market. I have to take a long hard look at my education--I don't even know how to go about finding the programs I might want. I've started, but I don't know how to proceed. I also need to finish my biostats class (ugggggggggggggh) and sign up for two more classes. I might as well get as many for free as possible.

Have I mentioned recently how ready I am for vacation? As much as people might not believe it, being bedridden for over a week does not constitute vacation. I haven't had a day off that was not sickness related since Mardi Gras (and actually...that day was a little sickness related, too). I'm ready for a week of being away. I'm ready for the stress relief of family and of old friends and of water and...I'll stop there.

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Now playing: Snow Patrol - Hands Open
via FoxyTunes

And I'll be home before the morning comes

Two major decisions today.

One: I bought my plane tickets home. This was a little hard because I've been holding off, not sure when I wanted to return or if I want to make a quick west coast trip while I'm on that side of the world. So I bought a united ticket for the way there, arriving at 7:30 on Saturday, Dec 22nd, and then bought a southwest ticket for Saturday, Dec 30th, figuring SWA has easy to change tickets and I could hop around the coast if need be. But yay for going home for Christmas!

Two: I'm changing my concentration in school from International Health and Development to Global Environmental Health Sciences. The International Health department at the School of Public Health has too much of a women's health focus and I am looking more for food policy so I decided to take a chance and switch to Environmental Health. Still an MPH...but a little scarier since I have to take science now. I figure it's been calling me for awhile though so it's a good move.

Now I need to go home and rest...I've overwhelmed myself...

Ignoring Sound Advice

One of the many reasons that I'm so glad to be leaving this state:

"Barbour: No to funding for 'at-risk' kids
Gov. Haley Barbour does not support a request from state representatives to pour more than $13 million into programs for students at risk of dropping out of school."


Mississippi has the lowest graduation rate in the United States. Every day, as I scan multiple papers throughout the state, I see articles on the need to improve education. It seems that people are finally realizing that the only way to improve Mississippi's long-term prospects is to place the focus squarely where it belongs: on education. Kids need a quality education and they need to make it through and graduate.

"There are more than 290,000 at-risk students, which are children who qualify for free and reduced lunches from the federal government. Of those, about 100,000 are in kindergarten through third grade.

The state has an estimated 30 percent dropout rate."

THIRTY PERCENT.

Nearly one in three children do not graduate high school, and the incompetent, arrogant jerk that Mississippi chose as its governor does not support measures that would allow kids a better chance at completing school.

I guess it doesn't matter to him: White children in Mississippi go to private schools, most established in the sixties under the threat of desegregation. Private schools don't need state funding; private schools don't need assistance helping their students graduate.

So why help the public schools?